Le Tour de French Fry: Mission District

By Louis Rogers, July 21, 2015

As most people know, the Tour de France is happening right now and will be finishing up this Saturday, July 26th. What even more people probably know is that French fries are arguably the greatest things to come out of France (or rather, Belgium... but that's a dispute that few will ever care to settle). 

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I love fries. One of life's simplest treasures, to be enjoyed with friends or alone, inebriated or sober. Steak, crinkle, shoe string, waffle, the list goes on. So many choices, so little time. For the next upcoming months I will be embarking on my quest to discover the greatest French fries in all of San Francisco and the greater Bay Area. This quest shall be called, aptly, Le Tour de French Fry, and begins this week in the Mission district of San Francisco. 

We know that not all fries were created equal. As such, we have devised a grading rubric to accurately assess the values and demerits of each fry-eating experience. The fries shall thus be judged by: 

• Flavor: Essentially, how they taste.
  
• Cost per quantity: Is the juice worth the squeeze? In search of the best bang for your buck.
  
• Texture: Outer crispiness to inside flavor ratio.
  
• Greaseless factor: How many napkins do you NOT need? 
  
• Novelty: Are they FUN fries?
  
• Overall experience: Self-explanatory.  
  

Each category is judged on a 10-point scale. The fries with the most points win!  Now without further ado, let's bring on the fries: 

SOUTHERN PACIFIC brewing co.

To assist me in this endeavor I brought my best friend and trusted French fry connoisseur, Mattie, along for the ride. We began our journey at Southern Pacific where we dove head first into their sage fries. They do offer regular fries as well, but as of now there is no half-reg half-sage option. The basket was slightly uneven in terms of fry length. I say the longer the better but to Mattie, "the small bits are the best! More crunchy surface area!" 

• Flavor:  Incroyable. 9
  
• Cost per quantity: At $5 a basket, they're a perfect 10 
  
• Texture: While they do an excellent job retaining their heat, there was a small lack of consistency among all fries with regards to crispiness. 8
  
• Greaseless factor: Hardly any napkins used. Though that could be because I was licking my fingers. 9
  
• Novelty: Delightfully colorful, like a California blonde with perfect beach highlights. Also the garlic aleppo sauce is out of this world.  9.5
  
• Overall experience: Great kick-off to the tour, excellent environment with a friendly staff. 8.5  
  
• TOTAL: 54

NB: You will have rank ass breath when you're done eating these. Not advisable for a first date. To be eaten amongst close friends only. 

FRJTZ

(Before & after)

We were very excited to visit Frjtz, the "esteemed" Belgium fry establishment on Valencia and 17th. Unfortunately, we were rather underwhelmed. Ambiance here is... ambiancey to say the least. Cool tile work in the bathroom though! 

• Flavor: They offer a smattering of regular, sweet potato, garlic, and white truffle fries. We opted for regular. We needed to add our own salt though (the nerve!). "I feIt like I was eating more of a potato and less of a fry." - Mattie 5  
• Cost per quantity: $4 for a small which includes one dipping sauce. Comes in an ice cream parlor sundae glass, because why not? Don't order a large unless you want to become a potato. 7
• Texture: Very crispy, thick Euro cut fries. Outside texture 9, inside mushy texture 3, overall 6
• Greaseless factor: Not very greasy as they were almost too crispy on the outside. 7
• Novelty: They have an abundance of dipping sauces and we assumed we picked the best: Peppercorn Parmesan White Trash Ranch. It was not the best. Too thick, not nearly enough mayonnaise, and not nearly enough flavor. 6 
• Overall experience: Based on the fries alone we gave them a reluctant 4. But our experience was elevated to an overall 8 after a man sprinting down Valencia stopped dead in his tracks, pivoted, and shouted "OMG HI!" to the woman on her phone outside our table. She abruptly ended her phone call to respond: "Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know who you are! I do have a twin though, and this has happened before. You're probably thinking of her." Safe to say watching some random dude risk a torn ACL only to be shot down by the "twin" was the highlight of the Frjtz experience. 
• Total: 39

NB: "I don't like these. I'm not going to eat anymore. Something I've literally never said" - Mattie 

"Yeah this is not good mayonnaise. Which is also something I've literally never said" - Louis

Phat PHilly 

One of the best places to get a Philly cheesesteak in the city, Phat Philly also boasts and impressive fry bar. Their base fry is a "cross cut waffle fry" (as if all waffle fries weren't cross cut) and they serve up regular, cheese/onion topped (animal style), pizza style, chili cheese, and the end all "hangover cure" with cheddar beer sauce, onions, shredded cheddar and bacon. 

• Flavor: We opted for regular with cheddar Newcastle beer sauce on the side (pro tip). Beautifully seasoned. As Jean Ralphio would say, "DELOISHUS". 9
  
• Cost per quantity: $3.50 for a small basket. They're larger fries, so technically occupying more basket space, but I'm not entirely on board. 7
  
• Texture: Wonderfully crunchy with softness perfection on the inside. 10
  
• Greaseless factor: Hardly any napkins used. Again, lots of finger licking... 9.5 
  
• Novelty: Phat Philly employees a charmingly stoned staff at almost all hours. Our cashier was quite surprised we were only ordering fries, but upon explaining that we were on Le Tour de Fries he delightfully explained ALL of the fry options to ensure we'd have the best experience. 9
  
• Overall experience: Crushed the whole basket with zero regrets. 10
  
• TOTAL: 54.5
  

ROSAMUNDE

Yes, Rosamunde is a beer and sausage bar, but did you know they also have INCREDIBLE fries? Reminiscent of In-N-Out's fries but actually good and salted, they're a no-fuss, finger lickin' sidekick to some of our favorite brews and dogs. 

• Flavor: I cannot stress how perfectly salted they were. This is what the quintessential fry should taste like: the ideal potato taste. 9
  
• Cost per quantity: $3.50 for a small - thy basket overfloweth! 9
• Texture: Stellar outside crunch to inside yum ratio. While these weren't the best we've ever had at Rosamunde, they'll take home an 8.5. Though it is worth noting they have a 9.5 start value. 
  
• Greaseless factor: Two napkins max. What the hell is eating fries for if your fingers don't get a little dirty? 8.5
  
• Novelty: As mentioned before, these fries are incredibly low maintenance. They're chill fries, content with maintaining their own fry homeostasis. The best part about Rosamunde is the plethora of novelty sauces that you DON'T have to pay for. We opted for ketchup, garlic pepper mayonnaise, and curry ketchup. 7 
  
• Overall experience: Chill beer, chill times. 8
  
• TOTAL: 50
  

MCDONALD'S

You don't go on a fry tour and NOT include McDonald's, c'mon now. France may have invented the fries, but McDonald's popularized them and spread the almighty gospel 'round the globe. Admittedly, I'm an unabashed lover/borderline advocate of the golden arches. Hate all you want, but we've all been there. We've all craved and caved. 

• Flavor: It's the flavor of these damn fries that you come for and that keep you wanting more. Watching them tossed in that salted powdery goodness, you know it's gonna be damn good. 8
  
• Cost per quantity: This is the City, you're not getting a $1 menu. Still, the small fry runs $1.89 so when you find that elusive $2 bill, you know where to take it. 7.5 
  
• Texture: Much like Rosamunde, the McDonald's fries have a high start value, somewhere between 9 and 9.5. However, our visit delivered a measly 7.5. A wee bit on the soggy side, leaving more crunch to be desired. Le sigh.    
  
• Novelty: What the hell is a novelty category for if NOT for McDonald's? Huzzah! 10. 
  
• Overall experience: Mattie refused to sit on the bench because there was a used band aid (diva) and a fellow patron was eating sketch leftovers. Free wifi though! 7.5
• TOTAL: 40.5

winner: phat philly, 54.5

Fancy yourself a fry connoisseur? Know the best spots for fries in the Bay? Let us know! Find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.